On shopping at Walmart in Orlando, Florida
I walk into Walmart right. But right before that I’d been at a different Walmart, a super Walmart, that turned out not to have a produce section, so I was like, um weird. They also didn’t seem to have a lot in stock. So then that’s when I went to the neighborhood one. And I’d been there a couple times before so I felt better about it, like I knew where some stuff was. But first I couldn’t find the asparagus. And I kept going around this tight little corner in the produce section kinda near where this older hispanic gentleman employee was mopping or cleaning or something. So that was a bit awkward, and I kept going looking for the asparagus. In the end I got what I *thought* was broccolini, but might’ve turned out to be just broccoli with really long stems and I wasn’t paying attention.
Anyway, after that I get my groceries, which takes a while, because they don’t have everything that I want, which is these buffalo wing pretzel crisps, so instead I’m like debating on getting spicy cheetos and these cheddar cheese pretzels. But girl it just was not the same.
So I finally go to pay at the self check out right. And I’m about to scan this ground turkey in like a plastic packaging, like a little log with the metal ties at the end. Like the way they sometimes package cookie dough! But I saw something that looked like some meat spread around on the outside and I was like um that’s weird. So I put it aside and then looked at it after scanning everything else, and there was more of it and it just didn’t look right, so I called an employee over to take it off my order, this intimidating Hispanic lady with a smooth jet black ponytail and a lot of eye makeup.
THEN everything’s bagged and stuff, but I have to get another turkey, right. So they have an aisle right after you pay pointing towards the exit and this random employee’s like “that way” and I was like “can I get another item” or something and he was like sure. His look kinda reminded me of a hispanic Jerry Gergich from Parks and Rec, like glasses and oddly oily hairstyle too. So I go and get my other turkey, come back, scan it and pay for it.
Then I’m walking out. And LITERALLY as I’m having the thought of I should just take the bags to my car and leave the cart, it’s not that many bags. But what if one of them breaks?” I’m lifting the bag with the bottle of $5 wine and I hear a loud crack and feel wetness on my foot and of course this bottle has plummeted to the ground and shattered and there’s red wine on the ground all spectacular right near where the carts are.
And I’m like oh shit. I need to get an employee. So I walk up to this lady who has a clipboard and is sitting outside the entrance, not really looking at me, and I ask her if she speaks Spanish. So then I tell her in Spanish that the bottle fell, the bag ripped and whatever, and she comes over to look at it and she’s like “Oh no! Let me go call somebody.”
So then she does, and it’s the old gentleman guy who was cleaning in the produce area. So I apologize and he starts cleaning it.
And then I’m like, well, I paid $5 for this wine and I have no wine, I want them to take it off my receipt, like get the money back. So I go in through the exit I think and back to the area just in front of the registers like near the exit and there’s this commanding black woman and I’m like “I broke the bottle of wine” and the random Jerry Gergich guy is like “We know we heard,” and I’m like thank you for your contribution?
And so then the lady’s like “you can go and get another bottle and then come back and see me” and I’m like oh okay, not saying anything about just getting the money back. So I go back YET AGAIN (let’s not forget, I’ve spent going around and around these aisles in this neighborhood Walmart way too many times) and you would’ve thought I’d felt embarrassed or some shit, but I honestly felt like we were all in a sitcom episode together, and I felt cute in my jean jacket and shit, and I was about to start my new job the next day that I was really excited for, so you couldn’t really get me down.
So I go and get the bottle of wine, which is on clearance with like the cold cuts and what not, and it was definitely drinking wine, not cooking wine, and come back and she’s like “What’s the wine doing over there?” all confused and what not but some of the other employees are like yeah there’s wine over there. Around this point the nice Hispanic lady who helped me outside is bouncing around in that area, and then she walks away all energetic, wheeling away this cart of what looked like go-backs.
So the employee who’s helping me takes the wine and starts doing her thing and she’s like, “I’m gonna replace it this one time as a courtesy but once it leaves the store, it’s not our responsibility” and I was like oh…kay.
And then their systems were having technical difficulties so it was about 2 or 3 minutes of just waiting there. A guy tried to come up and buy some cigarettes from Jerry Gergich but wasn’t able to so he left. And then finally the wine is scanned and I’m good to go, and I leave this dang Walmart and take the cart to my car because we learn from our mistakes, and I notice that the area where the wine spilled is all cleaned up, and then it starts raining on my ride home, but I’m still feeling pretty good, all things considered.